I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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