Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
