I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
