if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize