What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
