Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
