He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
