This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The uberlube is also flammable
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
