i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
