OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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