yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
