I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
