My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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