sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
