I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize