Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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