My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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