shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
