Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
