if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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