every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
