Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize