He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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