Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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