i just had sex bonerless
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
