We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
