Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
whose parrot is this?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize