I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
