ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am one with the molecules
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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