There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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