I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
