YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
