just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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