I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
