Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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