...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
