Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
