Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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