I cockslap morals
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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