Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
