He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
