Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
