So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
