my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
