anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
