uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
