I want to stick my p in your. b.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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