i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize