Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
