Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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