She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize