OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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