I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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