i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
