it was like his penis was on wheels.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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