i just wanna soil my oats bro
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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