so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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