Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
