best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hippo gnu deer
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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