Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize