Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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