Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
