Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
