I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize