its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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