Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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