I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
