so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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