and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
