im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
